Hi bgngm, thanks for clarifying. Sorry, just to probe again: did either of you (you or your husband) tell her that her negligence of a 3 year old is worrying you? What if something happened to your daughter etc. She does not appear to be very responsible, thus difficult to trust with a young child…. or any child for that matter.

If the answer to the above is yes (you spoke to her and she makes a mockery about it and/or is still nasty), then you are justified in your reluctance not to let her have your child…. for any prolonged time. Who wouldn’t? In this instance, I think the best policy would be to tell her point blank that you are worried about leaving your daughter with her and if she continues to put your child in jeopardy and is not prepared to be more responsible, then you will *not* let her have your daughter for X months, or a year. Sounds harsh, but if she refuses to take responsibility for a 3 year old, that seems to show that she does not actually want to be with said 3 year old.

Maybe just let her know how things stand and move away if she still refuses to ‘cooperate’. It would be the lesser of two evils as one can’t take chances with a child. Sorry you have it so tough but you do need to think of your daughter first if the MIL won’t....