I was freaking out today. But I'm okay now.

On Monday, I went to the Y to spend time in the pool and gym to try and strengthen my back and neck. After doing that, I felt really pleased with myself, and I did feel healthier. Then I woke up yesterday feeling so sore, I was in shock. Then today, I woke up feeling even worse, like I could hardly move. Sore all over, right down to the palms of my hands and back of my heels (from the treadmill, I guess.)

I was so demoralized. Here I went to try and exercise, and then I feel horrible as a result.

So, finally, I took a pain pill. Still, I was hardly able to move. So I took a muscle relaxer. Eventually, they both kicked in and - what a relief. Then a neighbor visited and that made me less depressed.

I guess I am going to have to take this exercise program at a slower pace. I probably just overdid it. I have extreme fear of being in chronic pain. Yes, people do bravely cope with much worse than I have. But I am not brave - not at all. I freak out if something hurts and I am not sure that the pain will go away. This morning, I had awful thoughts coming into my head about what might I have to do to escape if I ever had chronic serious pain. Yes, that's how cowardly I am.

Now, thanks to the meds, I feel okay to go food shopping. My horrible fear is gone. My depression is gone. What a trip - to despair and back, in one day.

I better get going to the store now and get moving, so thankful that I feel good enough to move around.