MDD,

Much love during this very hard time for you...
I can't speak for anyone else but myself; I have been there. In fact, just the other day I wrote in my journal that 'I hate myself.' It's too f***ing hard having this disorder...it burrows into my very thinking and manifests itself in my behavior.

You do not have to be sorry here, this is a safe place. Although I know we can't help but apologize... We are all a universal family here...brought together by our disorder. We most importantly understand one another. Your needs will be met here, and that is okay, it is okay to ask for them.

I've mentioned before, we as people who suffer from BPD have very limited, if non-existent, coping mechanisms. We do not know how to comfort ourselves as healthy people do. When we feel pain we seek validation from others. This is not our fault -- we didn't receive something essential when we needed it.

This may not help you coming from me, or from others, or from many. But I mean it sincerely...you are worth it...I know right now it may feel as if surviving is all you're doing. Sitting in those emotions is okay. It feels as if you're descending into a black hole, all you can see, feel, taste, touch, hear is your pain. I have no advice. However, I understand, entirely and completely.

We are in a black room, no door, no window, no light...no hope...Others say we have painted the walls ourselves? This is not true...we have been placed there, out of our control, against our will...
These feelings feel like great, heavy burdens and we are forced to drag them around through life. We can't break the walls down for you, but we can shine light enough for you to find your way out, and talk, so you know you don't have to do it alone.