with or without you.....I'm truly sorry you're feeling this bad. All sounds and feels very familiar to me, but of course every one has their own details. And as it also sounds like with you, for a vary long time. Just wanted to briefly mention that I also am stuck in the place where I live, but due to financial matters, am not able to move. Very frustrating. Living in a small town, very beautiful area but very isolated and with very little to do. Definitely adds in ways to my depression. Anyway, sending good thoughts and I hope that some how, some way, some comfort comes to you soon ~whimsygirl