Hey billi,

Why did I stop answering her calls. Good question, billi. I don't mind answering this at all...
I guess I just thought she was too nice. Sounds crazy, but I did. She was kind, sincere and really thought I was cool! I just knew I would screw it up. I was drinking heavily at this point, undiagnosed, somewhat recently just got out of a pretty volatile relationship. She was a bit younger and innocent and I knew if I was involved it would turn into a mess. It was self-sabotage to save myself and another person (rejection is a blessing?) God forbid I was happy..

Yes, I am slowly working toward being at a point where I can live my amends with integrity and consistency. This will be a thrilling experience when I get there...for now, I'm not...but I haven't done this particular thing again at least. lol.