I quit smoking today. Great, right? No. I only made it five hours. I picked the wrong day to try to quit. I had to clean out the refrigerator today, and when I was cleaning the bottom tray out I got some water on the counter. There were two boxes of Cheerios and two bags of chips and a few other things sitting on the counter. Most normal people would have just moved everything off of the counter and cleaned up the water, but not me....I have OCD....so, I had to wash my hands three times and dry them (they were icky from cleaning out the fridge) before I could move everything from the counter to avoid contaminating it. When I finally got my hands washed, I knoched everything off of the counter.................................
And
right
into
the
wastebasket!!!!!!!!!!!!

Ican't make a basket trying to throw something away, so why can I do it when I don't want to!!!!!!!!

So what do I do?? I'm running around the house screaming like a madwoman (I completely flew off the handle)....Crying and screaming and the like....and when m throat started to hurt I decided that for my nerves and my blood pressure's sake I'd better go buy a pack of cigarettes and try to quit agian tomorrow. Like me smoking is going to help anything!

So now I feel like a complete idiot (even though no one saw/heard me) for running around the house screaming and crying , and I feel like a failure for smoking again.

Sometimes I hate myself, or rather hate that I have OCD. I HATE OCD!!! Sometimes I SUCK!

Thanks for reading this, sorry I needed to vent.

Take Care,
Angel who is no "angel"