I am not sure exactly when, but somewhere along the way I started have a real love for life. I stopped fantasizing about dying and started fantasizing about living ( weird right ), I have a lot of time to die when i get to dying. I started to remember how beautiful, fragile and fleeting life was. How I have so much stuff in such a weird world to explore, amazing things on an amazing planet. How was I so lucky to be born in a human mind and body, to be given this opportunity? I mean if I was born as a fruit fly, surely I would miss ALL this!

I think when I start to fall I remind myself of all that I have, and have had including experiences, bad and good. I feel a lot of gratitude, amazement... Ahh feelings. I dunno how to explain it, I feel a bit weird talking about it, but when I think about this stuff I feel overwhelmed with intoxicating passion for life.

And that keeps me going and going. If things are bad, I know I will feel this good again, I dunno, maybe if things weren't ever so bad for me, then maybe they also would not feel this amazing when they are good. Not manic good either, just normal everyday okay.