I am so sorry you experienced this. My heart really goes out to you. I can not even begin to imagine what that was like. My experience is not as harrowing, but I was involved in an incident where we were held at gunpoint and assaulted and confined in a cooler. Thankfully, no one got shot. So I understand some of the traumatizing effects of this.

The things I experienced in childhood sometimes haunt me too, although Nothing close to what you have gone through. I am glad you are here and willing to open up a bit here one PC with us. I am not sure how to deal with childhood trauma, though as I haven't really opened up about it and my memories are not as vivid.

It is hard to trust. And honestly, sometimes trusting is a huge risk. But when you find that one person you can trust, it is so worth it. I think I might have that now, with my T (therapist). But it took a while to find her, and had to deal with some real untrustworthy psychiatrists too. I know that's not very hope-filled, and I don't think I answered your question...but I know someone here will be able to help.

Please keep us updated. I hope this helps. I am sorry if I rambled!