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Sep 14, 2012, 08:07 AM
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Member Since: Oct 2010
Location: Michigan
Posts: 6,543
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Ok ~ Number one, your parents love you unconditionally. That's a given. They have forgiven you for everything. YOU have to forgive yourself.
Number two -- if you're going to get this all straight, you have to be COMPLETELY HONEST. You HAVE to tell your parents there is a balance owing to the Pdoc, so you can get back on your meds. Tell them, and be up front. Your parents won't be mad -- apologize for not being honest, but tell them you were scared. Tell them you need to get back on your meds. But TELL THEM -- MAKE SURE YOU DO. You can do this -- I know you can. You went thru this other ordeal, so you can do this. It's imperative you get on your meds!!!
You are NOT a total disgrace. Things have been taken care of. You've faced your demons. Now, like I said, you MUST forgive yourself. Did you know that God has already forgiven you? He has! So why can't YOU forgive yourself.? Are you more powerful than God?
As for the money -- like your Dad said "It's only money." And you can always pay your Dad back. It may take years --- but you can do it if you try. You might only be able to pay him $10 or $20 a week or month, but you can do it. 
You WILL be able to see your doc again. Once you get the balance paid off (with your Dad's help) you'll be able to see him. It's important that you see him so these issues can be worked on and taken care of. You can't just try to forget them as they'll just bite you in the butt everywhere you turn. So make sure you talk to your Dad about the balance.
You say "I'll never be happy." Well with an attitude like that I guess you won't be!  When I was going thru therapy, I kept a positive attitude and a hopeful attitude. I KNEW that I was going to be happy, and that my issues WERE going to be taken care of -- and there were ALOT of them.  But if you're just going to decide NOT to be happy, then I guess you won't be.
You ask what purpose should be left for you? Well that depends on if you change your attitude. If you're going to decide to be unhappy, I just don't know. But if you decide to give life a chance and you want to be HAPPY, the possibilities are UNLIMITED!!! God put us here for a reason, and it's up to you to find out what that is!! And YES you can move past all this, if I could move past what *I* had to deal with!  You have NO idea!
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The truth shall set you free but first it will make you miserable..........................................Garfield
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