But that's the point -- I dissociated my hateful, vengeful feelings and have not been able get that system back just through feelings. I can tell when that system is getting activated and shut it down. But then lots of potential social information and nuance gets shut down, too. So when people like you, who haven't had that difficulty, make comments about how you do things that I can't -- then it definitely comes across to me as judgmental and belittling. Hence hateful -- you don't want to be around people like me because I can't do the kinds of things you do emotionally and socially. So where the blankety-blank-blank do I learn, if not in therapy?