Hi:

Maybe it would help to have a discussion about what 'support' is = looks like to people.

For me, for instancee, I appreciate hugs, etc., but I also like to be gently and respectfully challenged on what might be some twisted thinking on my part and suggestions for how I may 'untwist' those thoughts, or I might like to be reminded that I may be taking something personally or making assumptions instead of operating on facts, etc..

Others may feel too vulnerable at a given time, (which I understand and feel, too, when I'm really depressed, etc.), to want any type of challenge, etc., no matter how gently delivered. At those time, I might say at the top of my post: "I'm feeling especially vulnerable today; maybe just gently words if you've got 'em to spare" (or something like that).

There's a saying: "Support without recovery is merely enabling." [Joy Jensen}. I think there is something to be said for that in the sense that unless one is fragile or feels not up to it at a given time, or whatever, and is able to say so, perhaps tools like not taking things personally, etc., can be emphasized, along with allowing folks to give feedback as long as they do it with respect for the other person, etc..

I think this would cut down on the passive-aggressive stuff going on in peoples' posts, (because they have been forced to squelch anger, etc., and may feel unheard). This is kind of a different issue that goes to conflict resolution and an emphasis on how to do that (also with respect and 'rules of engagement'), but the issues all seem to be tied in together.

Anyhoo, just my opinion...

Thank you for considering my thoughts on this...

Respectfully,

Peanut