i think part of what was freaking me out this week was talking about my family and all that has gone on with my aunt.my T really did help me feel better.it made me trust her so much more .like she does care some and can make me feel better.it made me want to talk to her more.to tell her horrible things about me.but then she said i'm not a horrible person and i freaked i had no idea what to do with this .i had no idea how to feel about what she said i went completely numb.i couldnt talk. i think e-mailing her when i was freaking out in a way was a way to push her away because those feelings scared me so much they terrified me and now i want to call her on monday and tell her i want to cancel for wednsday because i cant stand the thought of facing her .of seeing that anger,of seeing that i did push her away.i don't know how to deal with all this .i am calmer as long as i am on drugs but i don't want to take them any more