yesterday, I went to my counselor at my day program. She was doing a suicide risk assesment on me. I told her that I have been in the hospital 2 times this year due to being suicidal and having plans. She asked why I have felt this way. I told her my reasons. Then I told her that the only reason I am living now is for my mom. I told her that I can't live without my mom. Then my counselor asked me what would happen if something happened to my mom. I said that when my mom goes out, I am going out too. Then my counselor said "I think we need to call the hospital and have you re-evaluated." She wanted me to have my suicide risk re-evaluated at the hospital. My counselor ALMOST HOSPITALIZED me. I told her that I am not going to be admitted into the hospital again, and she said that she can if she feels the need to. I wasn't even suicidal yesterday! I was a few days ago though. She has NO right admitting me to the hospital when I don't even feel suicidal. Then my counselor asked me if I would call anyone for help if something happened to my mom. I said no, and then my counselor said that she needed to call the hospital. Then I said, ok, fine I will call someone if something were to ever happen to my mom. I really wouldn't call anyone though. I just had to say I would for the sake of not being hospitalized again. I have had this plan to end my life when my moms ends since I was about 16 years old. I am 22 now. This plan isn't going anywhere. The hospital couldn't even fix it anyways. She had no right doing what she did.

I am so scared. I have so much anxiety now. I can't talk to my parents about suicidal thoughts. I can't talk to my counselor about suicidal thoughts. I feel like I am being cornered. Trapped. I don't know who to trust anymore. I am going to keep all suicidal thoughts to me, my journal, and on here from now on. My therapist said she would call my parents. Now I have to check the answering machine constantly, along with the mail.