What I hear from your posts is that there is more internal struggle and doubt that is manifesting itself in your outward expression. What I mean to say is you sound really concerned that your boyfriend might leave you. Now I think this is normal but you also have to believe that even if that happened your life would go on. Yes, it would be painful but in time you will hopefully believe that you would be ok. I just hear a lot of internal emotional struggle in your message although I might be wrong, if I am I'm sorry just ignore me :-)

You said you want to feel okay again and I believe you! You would not have posted your message if you didn't want to feel better and get well. You are not lazy or being dramatic! There are many reasons you might not be seeing your therapist lately. For example he/she might not be a good match for you. Or maybe talking with them brings out a lot of internal emotional pain. Or, and this might be most likely, you are just too depressed to do the things you need to do. Sometimes our sub conscious can explain a lot of what we do.

I think seeing your therapist, or even a new one if your current one isn't helping, would be the best thing to do. Make the appointments before you leave so you don't have to contact them again to set something up. That way you can consistently see someone.

I don't know your parents but they might be trying to control you out of love. Maybe they are concerned about you but they don't know how to help or what to do so they end up trying to control you which ends up to be exactly what you don't need. I think talking with them would help, explain what you need them to do for you so they know how they can help.

Hang in there and update us on how you are doing. It sounds like you know a lot of things about yourself that are causing trouble for you. I think that shows you are very insightful, a lot of people can't see what is causing them difficulties. Give yourself credit for this.