Yeah, it really stinks when a T won't collude in your self hatred. You're looking for her to give you the reaction that you want (to tell you you're horrible) and she won't do it. When I first realized my T was doing this (or, rather not doing it) I wanted to plunge something really sharp between his eyes. Luckily for him, he doesn't keep those kinds of objects in his office.

Self acceptance, granite. I believe you can leave the self hatred behind like the tired old baggage that it is and learn to see yourself as who you truly are. Drink in the way that your T and the people in your life that love you see you, notice what they see, accept their love, taste their admiration, let it warm you. Take tiny little steps in this direction. Your self acceptance is there waiting for you.