well you are both right, i should get a T but i live in a TINY town and there really are no options, i have a GP appointment next week i might see if he changed his mind. as far as my partner goes, i never thought she would think its because of her i felt bad thanks for the insight, i dont feel she would reject me for my feelings she is very supportive i just dont want her to think i will end up in hospital again ya know?