I was abused growing up by my father and brother both. It is hard to ever forget the abuse and forgiveness takes a long time. As I see it Honoring your parents does not include letting them abuse you and run roughshod over you. There is a much more important Biblical warning to parents to love their children and nuture them. When the scriptures tell Children to obey their parents, the very next line is for fathers to not provoke their children to anger. It is a two way street. When that trust relationship is destroyed it is hard to ever restore it. Punishing our kids does not include abusing them ever.

I have found it hard to let go of childhood pain too. Neither of my parents is still living and I seldom see my brother. I feel so alone in the world as a result.

I totally agree with Leed above that you can begin to take back your life. God never intends for you to have a life of suffering and pain. As I have started to recover my spirituality again, I am slowly finding there is a whole other way, based on trust and love. I wish the same for you. You are a wonderful human being who deserves love