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Nammu · Sep 16, 2012, 02:34 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by whimsygirl

Life sure can be weird

Lately, due to the return of my back pain, and now my tooth that needs a root canal, physical pain seems to temporarily be distracting me from some of that "other stuff".....the kind of stuff most of us deal with (in various incarnations). Doesn't always work that way, but seems to be at the moment, and at this time I'm content to trade in my tears for some pain meds and a heating pad. Sending good thoughts out to everyone.....

Know what you mean. With everything spiraling out of control, my car quiting on me, can't find any alternative transportation, the financial problems, and the spine problems and scary surgery coming up everything just keeps piling up. Can't deal with it all.

One day I was sick and didn't go to the partial hospital program, soo... they send the police to check on me. I'm in bed finally sleeping after being sick( Sir, my cat came in the bedroom and woke me up while they were banging the door down! I thought there was an earthquake I was so disoriented, then they are in my bedroom with the flashlights! What is it w/ them and the flashlights don't they know how to use light switches? On TV they always use the flashlights too!), had planed to call the PHP around 6:30-7am to let them know but I either forgot to set my alarm or slept though it. Without my hearing aids in I can't hear anything the police did call first but of course I didn't hear or see the flash-it isn't very bright, so--they broke my door(more $$$) down even though the maintenance man was right there and told them he could get the door off, and that I was deaf.

Then get and email from my therapist, I canceled my appointment at 3 something pm the day before, and my appointment was at 1pm so it wasn't a 24 hour notice! What!

I now owe her $130, for being a couple hours late in canceling.

Feel totally pissed off and alone. I miss one day of the program and they know I'm not actively suicidal but they send the police! This is getting to be too much. I talked to the director the next day, for this program it is part of the rules to send someone to check up on me--it was suposed to be the MHD but again its police instead! Told them I wanted out of the program, they have been wanting to switch me to the IOP intensive outpatient with higher functioning people and more focused talk therapy and their rules for that program do not include having to check on anyone who doesn't show up, but I have no way to get there. They have been trying to find me a Pdoc, and transportation( I'm not old enough or I live in the wrong place for the rest) but are also coming up against the same walls I did. The one transportation I'm eligible for my appointment is not until the middle of Nov, right before I go to the hospital and then to a rehab place.

W/o a Pdoc of my own and transportation this is the only program there is. They don't want me to just stay home. Plus the program is the only food I get that doesn't come from a can, I have no way to get food with my back I can't carry anything much or use the bus, there's too much walking involved. They are going to call my insurance again and see what they can do. I promised to go back Monday and check in, hopefully they can find a SW who might be able to help with all this--their SW left a week or so before I started there.

Then my daughter emails doesn't want me to come for the birth of her son.

After all our emails of what we were going to do, plus she is back on bipolar meds. I'm hoping thats what its about but it's hard to not feel left out.

OK one piece of sunshine in all this, my mother sent some money so I can hopefully get my car fixed. The guy got the car Friday but hasn't told me yet whats wrong or how much.

I'm scared it is bad, he is usually good about getting back to people with a estimate.

I've been on the lomotrigine for 3 weeks the doctor said to give it 3 more weeks I'm still going up on the doses. I'm beginning to think I don't have three more weeks in me. How long can I go with the thoughts before I give in and start thinking the thoughts are right/real not just part of the depression? With all this going on I haven't dealt with any PTSD stuff for ages. Thank goodness for propranenol to control most of the anxiety, and I guess the good side to all this crap is not having to deal with PTSD and really bad memories.