((((((((((((frozen)))))))))))))))))

it has been a while since i have opened up and told my story.. i can sense that you are really upset... I know that feeling you are talking about... that feeling like you need to run, but you cant.. you are stuck and no matter where you turn, the thoughts, the images, the feelings the sounds... they are there......

I too have those feelings from time to time.. when we are watching a show and something happens it makes me panicky.. i have to leave the room.. i even sometimes cry!
I have to be nice to the person who did the most damage to me..... he is still married to my mom.. in order to see her i have to be around him.... it makes me sick.. i want to throw up.. i want to hit him, slap him punch him scream at him.... whew!!! ( that kinda felt good)

it still amazes me how little tiny things can cause me to feel those feelings!!!!!

you said that you are afraid that you will lose everything, that people will see you as tainted or lying or perverted..... it is strange how we feel this way... when we know that it isnt true.. i used to think i was made of glass that everyone could see right through me. that they some how some way knew about my past SA.....so i know how you feel... anyway.... pm me anytime you need to ok