From an early age, I was made aware of the suicide. My mother told me that people who jump to their death start regretting and scream from regret on their way down (doubt that this is true). I knew a lot about torture. I have known words such as "impaling" for as long as I remember myself. Her family also talked to me about torture.

I keep wondering what she was thinking populating my imaginative mind with this sort of material...

I have no idea. It seems so odd.

I had a period in my life in my thirties when I would spend hours at night when everyone was asleep reading about different types of torture on Wikipedia, getting horrified by yet drawn to such reading.

Cannot think of any rational explanation why a mother would relate to her child in such a way.

What did it all mean?

Any ideas?