Depressed & angry - what a mix.

One of my obnoxious neighbors vandalized my car last month (slashed a tire)(why doesn't matter). I got a letter today from the apartment building management company. Apparently she talked to them, told them that I had vandalized her car (I didn't), but didn't tell them what she did to mine. I've been furious all day. I HATE to be lied about. What a piece of work this broad is. She not only vandalized my car, but lied about me to the building managers.

It sent me on a "why me" downward spiral. I've been bullied all of my life. That wouldn't be so bad if there were some positives in my life, to make up for all of the pain, abuse and BS. But it seems to be all struggle and persecution and deprivation and no joy, celebration or wins. I wrote several really angst-filled poems last night about that (little did I know I was going to get that letter today to add fuel to the fire).

Nobody knows that life is not fair more than I know it. I could write books on it. But it staggers me to think of how unfair it is - consistently. How brutal life is, to decent people. This scum bag broad can be hateful, spiteful, dishonest and evil, with no consequences that I can see. But, when I try to be a good person, I not only don't get any rewards for that (or even any good breaks), I get screwed 16 ways! What's THAT about??!!

Example: last night I took myself out to a restaurant to eat dinner. An elderly lady with a walker was trying to leave the restaurant, but couldn't manage the door and the walker both. I watched her. The restaurant was very filled. Lots of people. But no one came to help her. She was looking around for help. I got up and asked her if she needed me to hold the door for her. She actually looked at me and said, nastily, "Well, I guess these guys are going to be of no use, so you'll have to do." My jaw fell open. How ungracious! I felt like telling her to open her own damned door. I didn't, though. I opened it for her. No one in the place lifted a finger to help her. Just me. And what did I get for my trouble? An insult designed to make me feel worthless. Truly, no good deed goes unpunished.

I've just been furious all day at the injustices I live with constantly. And I work so hard to fix my head. How can I ever expect to fix it? Why even bother trying? It can't happen. I'm being sabotaged at every turn.

I hate this miserable life.