Hello. This is the situation.

I met a very beautiful and gorgeous women of 23 years old. She is drop dead gorgeous and extremely smart. A deadly combination. I felt I had never had the chance to be with someone so beautiful. Anyway.

When we first met and hung out I immediately liked her and we seemed to get along great. We both seemed on the same level. Then one day I felt compelled to hug her from behind and kiss the back of her neck. I let the opurtunity pass (regrettably) and it kinda took the wind out of me. Instead of letting new opportunity happen I think I made the mistake of not letting it just happen and I made it worse by asking her if it was okay for me to do that. She said she would have loved for me to do that but now in my mind it felt a bit forced so it didn't feel as real and magical when we made out a few times.

Now to understand this whole thing you need to know that she has low self esteem (like me) and she had been in a very bad abusive relationship recently that she just got out of. She was also ruffeed and date raped which pisses me off cause I would like to kill the two black guys that did this. (they never found out who did this and I imagine these guys prey on young women all the time at the bar). So you see she has been through a lot and it has taken its toll on her. She needs good people to be around and I thought I could be one of those people for her to lean on and vise versa.

So we hung out and things just weren't the same after the magic of it all disappeared because I verbalized things that should not be because it ruins the magic at least in my mind it got all tangled up in my head and when we fooled around again the next few times that magic wasnt there and it felt forced even though I didn't want it to be.

I didn't fully realize at the time why this was happening. I thought maybe we just weren't right for each other. But I don't think this is the case.*

One night she told me that she had slept with someone for drugs. This shocked me and I didn't want to hear this from her and I brushed it aside. The way she made it sound is that it happened recently. But she said it was some time ago. She said it like it popped out by accident making me feel worse. The mistake I made was I let this fester in my mind for a few days. And (I am not trying to use this as an excuse) but I am bi-polar with some bpd. So instead of being more rationally minded I said ridiculous things that hurt her feelings. I realize now how hurtful this could have been to her but at the time I had know idea. I now regret what I said and how I handled this situation.

I always wanted to be there for her but I really messed up.*

One thing I left out is she told me her exboyfriends friend would call her asking her to come over for sex and drugs (this is basically what he was saying to her I am paraphrasing here) I wasn't happy about hearing that but I didn't think to much about that until later when she told me she slept with someone for drugs. Those two things kinda set me in this crazy direction thinking I really didn't know who she was? I mean was I wrong to feel this way? Was it wrong for me to ask her if she or her exboyfriend pimped her out? I know the language may have been wrong or hurtful but I was trying to be real. She was greatly offended by this. I didn't mean to offend her I was just being real and up front with my feelings.

At this point I thought it was best to not be in this relationship and just work on myself... But she started to pull away from me. *In reality I did not want to stop seeing her I just needed some time to breath and clear my head and make sense of it all. But I messed up again when I left a judgmental message on her phone.

There is more to this that i want to say but I have said enough right now.

I am bewildered. I like and care about her deeply. I just don't know what to do. She has blocked my phone because she said she doesn't need people like me in her life.

I was just hoping someone could help bring clarity and reason to all this.