I am confused as to what my sexul orientation would be. I'm female and I always have crushes on famous or make believe men and women, the less real they are or the more tragic their story like they died the more I wish I could be with them like in bed and all that. Then in real life when I get hit on or asked out by men and sometimes wome, I turn them down. They could be sweet, beautiful peopl and many of them have had hard lives but I can never accept another human being as more than a friend.
I wasn't always like this. Well I was but not to this degree. In high shool I would agree to be a some ones girfriend but then refuse to spen time alone with them beause I thought "alone time" would lead to kisses and hand holding and progress into more over time and all of that sounded icky to me. I can't remember ever willingly kissing any one. One of my friends (girl) forced a kiss on me on my twenty first birthday. I'm ashamed to admit that as far as I can recall that was my first kiss. I didn't hat eit but I have no desire to ever do it again. Though I do wonder what it'd be like to be with some one like her whom I love and trust. I feel weird and ashamed because human flesh just doesn't turn me on but book characters and anime people or even characters on tv shows get me going. I can't watch normal porn though with out laughing at the insanely bad acting and poor excuses for story plot.
So what am I exactly Asexual? Or is there some sort of term for my strange desire for the unreal?