((Thank you TigerGirl)) things all to think on...

a candle is a good idea -- it could work at home...
work though, maybe I should get some decaf
(i am a double edge with the coffee, i get caffeine headaches, -- I strongly think this is due to I started drinking coffee at 10.. so like some times it is really a big helper, but I have noticed at times that it does make my anxiety worse which is a really bad thing some times..)

I have been trying to use chamomile tea here recently too.. it is something i really like, it has good qualities and it is to be a relaxer..
just some times, "strong aroma" is what I am like craving.. if that make sense?

Some times my S/O will spray his cologne on my hoodie if i seem down or something before he leaves..

Maybe the smell thing I should focus on with this?

Writing can be very hard some times...
I know I have been told - On A good day-- write out some things, keep it with me and when I get this way, pull it out and read it...
But I keep forgetting to take the list with me, i will write it in my journals but leave it there...
on the bad side, I have tried to write out while being like this and I tear it down most of the time, over analyze and break it apart of "what i see now" at the time (which can be questionable with what "is seen now" and can leave me not trusting myself and confused which causes a lot with the anger as well when like this). I usually spend too much time coming back, and either elaborating or scratching off things-- I am trying to get better with the "fact" and "opinion" stuff when like this....
actually that helped a lot with what I wrote to my s/o to talk to him... but still i had spent hours on it-- revising it and with some things I did leave -- But put these are my feelings.. so not fact, not really opinion, it is what i feel...

I know at small times of this, looking at pictures can help- Remembering to look at that can be debatable though-- it is hard to explain how I get with this-- i get so consumed some times with thoughts, feelings, and all...., other times not so consumed (like i can catch it before it is an atomic bomb in my head)... perhaps these not so much other times have been growths?

some times talking to my s/o can help wonders-- especially if I am really slipping to the point of planning- like crisis times, but I am able to trust him with his words it is a big help...-- other times when slipping but unable to trust I guess is the big thing with me, i can be what he likes to call "i turn into bob which is not fully me"... it is me but he says it is "bob me"... blah. it is a little bit of a joke between us i guess mainly to lighten the times that this has happened, but at the same time it is not a joke at all...-- . i don't like "bob me", some of "bob me" i don't remember fully at first.. but it is all me..