Oh I am so sorry to hear of your loss. I am also sorry that everyone thinks you should be over it; it is hard to lose a close family member, let alone a child. You definitely do NOT have to be over it!!! (I know I wouldn't be if it were one of my children) I don't think we were designed to bury our children.

As far as the flashbacks, I know it sounds silly, but sometimes, when I am having issues with my own flashbacks, my therapist has suggested creating a "safe place" in my mind to go to (not dissociating, though) and just ground yourself there, like imagine the grass in your toes, or sand or wherever you are at...or if someone is there with you, holding you, or if you are hugging an animal, or whatever. Try to imagine sounds and smells too. That has helped me,....sometimes. Sorry if that seems crazy, just a suggestion, maybe it will work for you?

I do not have an experience like yours, so I can only offer hugs, and hopes that someone else here can provide some more comfort. My heart goes out to you.