I totally agree with Rose. Your feelings are important. I know you mentioned before that you don't have professional help or a therapist to talk to, but I would strongly recommend finding someone, even a counselor at your school, to help you work through your emotions. It's so hard to deal with on your own, and I can say that it definitely is hard to change when you see everything from the same perspective and lenses that you have always had. Talking to a non-biased source is always wonderful, especially when emotions get confusing and overwhelming.