My mother passed. In some ways, it's still as fresh and numbing as the day itself was. Shortly thereafter, my worst fears came true. My world fell apart. I couldn't live without her. Her legacy became alive in me. It started with depression and right on it's heels, the anxiety/panic attacks started.

I'm still dealing with issues left behind by her. I still want and need "my mommy" in some of the worst ways. I was told by a T that I would rather die than to become self-sufficient. I don't believe that, but what is true is that I have an inate need to be taken care of, to be loved, to be #1 to somebody.

I have a soul sister than comes close, but still... there is a deep need in me that I doubt will ever be filled. Here are that soul sister's words to me. I believe firmly that anyone here can probably relate to some of what she says; those of us who didn't have the parents that we needed as children and teens growing up.

I knew that you and your mom were never on the same wave length... you shared that and we've wept over it together. What's changed in her new situation is, perhaps, accepting personal failures and learning from them. I think that your mom was unhappy with her life, her situation and was so involved in dealing with things like this that she was unable to give of herself to others. We've gotta be happy with the ME before we can truly relate to others -- as you and I both know. Probably your mom's path now -- having rejoined the universal energy and having had time to reflect on successes and failures and what more she needs to learn for a healthy soul -- she's better able to reach out. Of course, this life-long yearning for the mommy you needed makes you more receptive to any vibrations now. But isn't it interesting that the memories/messages that are surfacing involve issues your soul/mind is dealing with?

I hope her words reach some of you reading this, too.

For once in many, many years, I've been releaved of having to celebrate my best friend's birthday with her. I'll be in mourning today for the "mommy" I never had. It's a good thing.