(((beauflow))),

Yes, you are right in the first part of the "polar bear" and how "avoiding" it won't stop the fear of it or the challenge of the trama that we never "processed".

The practice of "avoidance" is what we all utilize as human beings to survive. Not only human beings, but also animals as well.

I will give you an example of what I have to do when training a horse. When I train a horse I do notice that there is a variation of "avoidance" in each animal. What that means is that when they encounter "something new" they will often stop and wonder about "danger" and if there is any history of "real danger or some kind of injury" it makes my training process even harder. The only way that I can finally get a horse past that "avoidance" is to show them/educate them that whatever it is can be worked through and is no longer something to "avoid" out of fear or sense of danger or even lack of how to do whatever it is. I have to encourage the animal "through" whatever it is they "want" to avoid. And I have to do that gradually, methodically in the same way, and over and over again until they finally are "desensitized" to whatever they need to avoid.

The same goes true for human beings. Only we are so much more intelligent and in one way that can help but in another way we have more ways of perceiving dangers and developing ways to "avoid" that it isn't as easy to get past the "avoidant" thought processes that are connected to some kind of "trama" or "danger" or "challenge".

When looking at this chart beauflow, you have to take into consideration the subconscious mind of a human being. Our subconscious minds are much more complex than other mammels. We spend a lot more time building that subconscious mind because of all the species, we take the longest to reach adulthood and "independant" thinking for "self" and "individual" survival. The way we learn and imprint a sense of self value and our capacity to thrive is more dependant on our parents and immediate family than other mammels as well.

The way we each develope "avoidance" is more complex and developes over a long period of time and is very influenced by our parents and family environment and how that also affects our interactions in school, on the bus, in class and with our peirs. Our ability to control our emotional responses to our peirs depends on our emotional well being in our home environment. If we are not loved and respected at home then we may feel that our other interactions will result in the same messages of our "unworthiness" to have a sense of "value". These messages are all filed into our "subconscious".

So, in order to find a way to stop "avoiding" or maintaining "fears or sense of personal duress and bad thinking patterns" we have to examine our subconscious and what kind of personal history is there. This is a challenge because we are talking about the "subconscious" mind rather than the "conscious mind". So what that means is that we are not always consciously aware of how we developed reactions to various challenges that is stored in how we just "react" to our world and feel about ourselves.

Unless we can take time out to truely "examine" that and discuss our history as well as how we "perceive" things and "self protect" and "even avoid" we can get trapped in a cycle that prevents us from moving forward and genuinely feeling that we "can" move forward and past whatever we "avoid".

The purpose of therapy, is an effort and willingness to find ways to get into a more conscious understanding of our own "subconscious" mind. This is so that we can finally learn how to "change" the way we need to avoid and fear simply because we never really learned how. And when we do begin to examine what is there, we can feel very vulnerable or even ashamed if we did not have the right way of handling a past trama, conflict or way of "thriving".

What you were discussing about the challenges you have with your job and how you view this job as well as how others show their value of you is all connected to your "subconscious" mind. What could be there is that you may have developed a feeling of "not being important, valued and loved" so your subconscious had to develope around that. How it developed around that is to practice "avoidance" so that you could learn to thrive "inspite" of that lack of "nourishment'.

When we are asked to "examine" some kind of lack that we developed a system of avoidance around so that we could still thrive, we feel "very vulnerable". We feel "vulnerable" because in the process of addressing "avoidance" we open a door to the emotions that were prevented from taking place in order to "thrive". And "if" we do that then we do not know how to stop the unrest that takes place in our brains as the chemicals that present with emotions flood the brain as well as the fear that brings about the cortizol that can cause us to have the urge to "escape" or "flight" or even "fight".

When we talk about "triggers" what that means is that something reminds us of a situation that we often avoided or felt a danger somehow where we did not have the "knowledge" to have an effective way to "defend" ourselves. And if we did encounter something troubling, we may have just given into something simply because we had no other way or knowledge of how else to "self protect".

When we seek "therapy" we need to have access to an individual that we can "trust" and feel "safe" with so that we can slowly gain an understanding of how we struggled in our past, and in the now and identify the origins and then slowly begin to learn how to change the subconscious mind and fears that we experienced in the past that affects how we relate, interpret ourselves, and thrive in the present.

What you do now beauflow, is you are trying to find your way to "believing" that you can actually grow past the negetive messages that you feel and experience at work.
The problem is, that you do not have that ability in your subconsious mind. So, what you end up doing is either trying to avoid or get caught up in just experiencing the challenge of not knowing how to maneuver past that challenge. Should I just stay here because at least I am thriving on some level, or do I move on and only end up struggling elsewhere? The only way you make it past that is to actually move on and continue to build "skills" and allow yourself to "grow". And the only way you can begin to be ok with that is if you have done that in your past and know it can be done.

If your subconscious mind contains negetive messages from your childhood where your parents did not show you how to progress and meet challenges or, gave you the sense the you can achieve that and they will help and encourage you to do so, there is no foundation there to work with in the "now".

Sometimes people "avoid" and push on anyway and get educated and progress without the "emotional" rewards that were supposed to be established in their childhoods. So they never developed a real sense of "emotional balance" while growing. This can present challenges down the road as well if some kind of trama takes place because these people never learned "emotional balance" so their recovery is a challenge as well because their subconscious mind doesn't have that either.

When we enter into therapy and can establish a sense of "safety" with a therapist, we "can" slowly learn to fill in the areas of our subconsious that is challenged in some way. It takes time and patience because our conscious mind is not always aware of what is missing. However, if we commit to "self love" and "patience" we "can" finally come to an understanding of ourselves and begin to allow "growth" to take place. When that happens, and it is a slow process, we slowly begin to "feel better" because we can gain more balance and knowledge and how to manage emotions as well.

Does that help beauflow? That is what I am working on myself and it takes time and patience to do that. It also took me time to understand how it all fits together too and make a commitment to allow myself to grow instead of fall into the cycle that causes me to experience what is called PTSD. However I personally feel that other disorders are related and can be eased through therapy as well. It is very important to have a therapist we can genuinely "trust" so that we can openly explore our unique ways of how we manages ourselves that has been built up over our lives from our life experiences and influences.

Open Eyes