You are leading a very tough life right now and as the others said, some therapy might be a good thing for you. Taking care of a husband who is so very ill must take a lot of your strength. You should look into caregiver support groups. Some of them have volunteers who will come to the house to be with the patient for a couple of hours to give you a much needed break. Maybe you need to get some meds for depression and sleeping as well. Please keep posting to let us know how it's going.