(((seaswept))) time does help, but you got to go easy on yourself.

i like the idea of outright asking them if they can forgive you. be ready, they may say, not yet, but still love you. you don't know what they'll say unless you ask. and if they say not talk about it right now, that's ok too. but try to agree on a set time, like later tonight 10pm, so that it does get talked about.

sometimes i've laid in my bed like a crumpled tissue paper crying like no tomorrow. thinking, what do i do with all these emotions, i dont know what to do with this. one time when this happened, a voice in my head said, let body process. so i actually had a conversation with my body about helping me through it. it took about 45 minutes of laying in a ball, (in addition to the other jumbled hours) but then i really felt better, some part of my maybe primal self knew where to put the emotions. i'm still not really sure how it happened.

i've done some weird stuff during mania too, and it's embarrassing and i've lost most of my friends. some things i've done i can't even say here, wish i could, cause it haunts me. and some stuff i haven't told my family, or my boyfriend and don't ever want them to know. it's a pretty big inner struggle. maybe this is good that they, your family already know the things you did, and they're still with you, and now it can we worked on with them. it's good not to have hidden secrets.