Quote:
Originally Posted by button30
Thank you Sally, I hope none of this is hurting you as it must bring some feelings up for you. I am sorry if I have said something to hurt or judge you.
I like the fact that T tried to get me to sort things out with her as my last T said she would not see me anymore if I go back to my ex as I would be self sabotaging again. T genuinely wants me to feel better and probably knows from experience that things can be sorted out if both parties want to but right now my ex is ignoring me and my phone calls so a reconcilliation os out if the question.
As for T, I won't blame her for anything. I am filled with sympathy for her as she is so kind and I understand that people can do things out of character once in a while and even though I dont know the FACTS in the story I heard I won't hold it against T. I will go in there with an open mind and try not to dismiss everything she says.
Again thank you for your insights and help, I truly appreciate it  |
Don't worry about it, Button. If it was too triggering I'd refrain from posting.
I'm sorry your ex is being so uncooperative. And I hope you can keep telling yourself that this is because of problems with her, not problems with you.
In a way my experience was the single biggest turning point in my mental health, because I was so shocked at how far I had fallen that if I wanted to get better, I had no choice but to go through every single thing I wanted to change about myself and just do it, and cut the BS. But I could have just continued to pile on the BS, and that's unfortunately what a lot of people do. It's really hard to admit to yourself that you're capable of such ugly things without crawling back behind your defenses. So remember, this is her choice, and it doesn't reflect anything about you.
Because this was such a turning point for me, I often can't help but chime in on posts concerning it. I learned a lot about myself, and also learned a lot about H and what he was going through in order to help him. I think a lot of people don't realize what it can be like -- for either the cheater or the cheated. A lot of betrayed partners go through PTSD-like experiences, where they become hypervigilant and frightened. The world at large can be very invalidating towards them (I see jokes about infidelity now and CRINGE). It's extremely isolating. So I'm very glad if anything I say is helpful.
I am so glad you're going to try to keep an open mind. I do hope that you find a way to bring it up with her directly sometime soon -- never good to let these things fester for too long. You might surprise yourself and find yourself ready sooner than you thought.
I also think it's great that you have this empathy for her and what it must be like for her to have this sort of "dark mark" on her, even though you can see that there is at least this T part of her that is working for good. I think that's a great sign for you in terms of healing.