The trouble with T's is that they always want to know WHY.

I had a session with T yesterday, and as I was driving home, I realized that I'd been rather defensive and snappy to my T. I was feeling very insecure, and that came out as defensiveness. I've always gotten in trouble for being defensive so, I've learned that I must apologize for this behavior. I FEEL like I have to apologize. Besides, it's not fair to T to act defensive towards her when it wasn't really warranted. So, yesterday afternoon, I called and left a message for T. I knew she'd be gone from the office and that I'd get her voicemail, which is what I wanted, because I didn't want a long discussion. I just wanted to apologize. Normally, when I offer an apology for something, T will tell me that she can't accept it because it's not necessary. This time, I felt it WAS necessary, and I didn't want T to tell me otherwise. I just said in the message that I didn't need a call back, I only wanted to apologize for being defensive in our session, as it was unnecessary.

Today, I got an email from T, asking how I felt my defensiveness manifested. So, either she didn't think I was being defensive, or she just wanted me to elaborate. I replied back that I was acting snappy, and my tone of voice changed, and I felt like I had to defend my actions. This is the whole reason I left a voicemail and told her I didn't need a call back. I just wanted to apologize and leave it at that. But, nooooo...T wants to talk about it. GRRRR.

I haven't gotten a reply back to my email - probably won't until tomorrow morning. Not sure I want her to reply!