Tree I've done a lot of those type things too and living with the regret. The absolute worst is yelling at the kids or acting totally crazy in front of them, I have done it and wish I could take it back. I used to have screaming spells, like mania mixed with anxiety and depression, just stand in my kitchen screaming and pulling my hair, room spinning, feeling like i was falling off the planet, yelling stay away from me, until i'd fall on the floor sobbing. I really really wish no one ever had to see me like that.

But... Once you get some space/time from acting like that, they see the improvement. the kids usually have empathy for me... i'm very very loving and caring and playful with them, they know we're not a normal family. I think i'm maybe just recently coming to terms with the bp thing myself. the dx was about 2 1/2 yrs ago. i'm still me but have learned how to cope and manage the crazy emotions much better

And the road rage, i totally get you there. yea... sometimes, i look at all the people like, oh they're all following rules and getting along together. then other times, i feel like wtf is this place, everybody hates everyone else and just wants to kill each other lol. not funny at the time when i'm caught up in it, but now i can laugh and thank god i havent hurt anyone or been hurt on the road, holy cow...