Hi Raynaadi

I apologise for the way I addressed the issue - I get a bit up my a!rse sometimes.

I've had a few drinks tonight but not like last night... I can't sleep and I sweat and sweat.

Anyway, I think it's about time you guys had some idea of who I really am to give you a bit of perspective.

I think you need to know my full situation though. I'm working as an Irish Independent (escort) - originally from South Africa - so have no friends or family close by. I started in July last year and worked in Dublin for 3 months. The reason I started was because I left my husband, ironically enough I found out he was visiting prostitutes (we lived in London then and were together for 3 years - a long time for a 23 year old) - there were other reasons ofcourse, but this was breaking point. He refused to divorce me and I spent thousands trying to track him.

When the 'friend' that brought me over started accusing me of nasty things, I decided to go on tour on my own. This means living out of a hotel. Ordering room srvice 'til your hearts content and before I knew it I was to used to drinking every night just to get sleep.

Anyway, a hop skip and a jump later - I'm still in Ireland trying to support this superficial lifestyle. I'm applying to college as a mature student this September. Its a disaster waiting to happen though. You see, I've recently moved to a coastal town ( which I consider my 'cash cow'). I've met someone great - one of the DJ's I met before... I so desperateley want to share my life with someone - to look out for someone other than myself. It's such a small town though, just recently found out his mates live in the apartment below me!!!! And I'm seeing clients from there.

I apologise again if I seemed - I don't know really. It's just so hard.....!!!!
I'm gonna get caught out sooner or later! I finally feel like I have a home after a year.... The drink just calms my nerves 'til I pass out. I know it's pathetic, but I seriously, really seriously battle with the idea of not having a drink....

I would appreciate your advice and anyone elses.

Goodnight
HC