That's what society teaches us... that defensiveness is unacceptable. They teach you that in primary school, high school, university/college and they also teach you that when you are in the working sphere. So no wonder you are telling yourself the same thing! Its a hard thing to learn the opposite because everyone (except Ts) has the opposite opinion! It's like learning that murdering people is OK. its like "whaaa?" haha It's like we are supposed to do something illegal (or wrong) so how could it be ok if everyone else is saying its wrong!