It takes a long time to be able to do that. Part of it is getting the BP under control, but it has even more to do with age, wisdom, and skill......as well as refusing to allow other people to drive your bus.

First of all, you have to believe you deserve not to be overwhelmed by the needs/wants of others. That's probably a lot of what you're reacting to; no wonder you explode and then have to apologize. Instead, you need to tell people how you want to be treated. There is no law that states you have to be the solution to everyone's problems. And YELL when you're stepped on! I don't mean going off on people just because you're having a bad day, but you don't have to put up with excessive demands.

There, now you have a starting place. You can adapt these ideas to fit your own way of being and doing things, but whatever you do, remember to "pay yourself first"---IOW, you need to take care of yourself and your own needs before you tend to someone else. I guarantee you'll have fewer triggers and more energy for the important things in life.