so i'm a smoker and have been for a few years now. i have the desire to quit, but never succeeded and kinda gave up when things got harder, having to deal with insurance issues, medication issues, stability issues in general.
it just so happens that almost all men i "talk" to or date are non-smokers and do not like smoke and the current one is no different. we actually got in a bit of a quarrel during a mini-weekend-vacation we took a couple of weeks ago and my smoking was part of the problem.
i have been "talking"/"dating"/whatever you call it with this guy for about 5 months. he knows i'm bipolar and he know's that i'm a smoker, but i agreed to not smoke around him if it bothers him.

now, i'm not very stable even with my nicotine fix so therefore, if i'm having withdrawals my mood swings creep up no matter how hard i try to suppress them. i was under the impression that stepping out real quick to take a quick cancer stick break was considered "not around him", but i was a bit tipsy and i guess i took a few of those breaks when we were at the bar during our mini-vacation. i was wearing patches during the first few dates we went on, but they kept on falling off and i got lazy so i stayed clean. i explained to him that i'll most likely, definitely be pretty cranky (even while tipsy) because of the nicotine withdrawals. actually, i said "you won't like me with my mood swings", verbatim. he said he would rather deal with my mood swings and that he does not mind, he knows i'm bipolar and knows it comes with the territory. i agreed to keep off the cancer sticks in his presence. this was 2 weeks ago.

we hung out today and i was extra edgy. i was sleep deprived, was back on adderall, and was nicotine deprived so we ended in another little debate in which i ended with a silence (learned my lesson from the past). in the past i was one who always addresses problems whether it was to a family member, friend, or boyfriend/date/whatever. in the duration of being single for 1+ years i closed up, especially towards dates/boyfriends/potential boyfriends. in this case it is especially because this current "date" is under a lot of stress with other things in his life and the last thing i want to do is add more problems on his plate which in my opinion could wait compared to his other issues. he disagreed saying i should bring up any problems/concerns i have and not worry about stressing him out. long story short (although it turned out long anyways..) it came down to that i have a wall and i have somewhat of a trust issue which can not be resolved until further steps are taken from both parties.

basically.... if i was not having withdrawals and mood swings (which were somewhat controlled, very proud of myself) i wouldn't have "unraveled" which was what i called it and i probably would have kept my little mouth shut. in which he was glad (or at least he said he was) that i unraveled and brought it up. this just seems very foreign to me since i haven't "unraveled" and exposed myself to a guy and received a positive reaction from it since my previous relationship 2 years ago...