It sounds like your mother kept sending you messages of "you need to find a way to take care of "her". And she didn't really take care of herself to give you an example.

I raised my daughter by giving her permission to "her right to be happy" and "thrive for her". So I do have to say she has a strong subconscious that keeps her in a forward momentum.

One day she said to me, "Mom, we are polar opposites". And I thought about it and replied to her, "we were raised very differently and you had lots of safety growing up".
I gave her the message that I wanted her to be "better than me" but I made sure she understood that it meant that she found good ways to be "genuinely happy" and it didn't matter to me if that meant she was knee deep in pig crap. I told her what I would look for is a genuine smile and I would be happy.

When we are raised to "give up our happiness for others" we struggle with allowing ourselves to "be happy". When we struggle with having the "right to be happy" and we are exposed to others who "disrespect us" or "invade our boundaries" we struggle with having the "subconscious permission" to give ourselves the right to be happy.

If I review my own "subconscious" I see a young child that tried to be happy but was constantly challenged and often the "happy" was intruded upon. My subconscious mind struggled all my life with feeling that if I gained some kind of "happiness" it would be "taken from me somehow" and that I had to find ways to "hide when I was happy". Basically, I was trained to be a victim without even realizing it.

Open Eyes