((beauflow))),

you are doing fine, and actually the fact that you are "reviewing" the messages you got from your parents is also "reviewing" the messages that went into your subconscious mind. It is also important to consider that "most" people will utter, "wish I knew then what I know now, could have lived a better life". However we forget that we are really designed to "procreate" and when the "focus" is on that simply by our hormones, we forget that because of that constant distraction, we did not recognize other "worldly" things.

When we think about our parents we do have to consider the messages they received growing up as well. Parents don't "intentionally" want to disregard the correct messages to send to their children. Your mother came from a generation that was nurtured by a generation who felt that "women" were to be taken care of and didn't have to "work" and produce for themselves. Your mother really subconsciously "believes" that she has the "right to expect others to support her".

For example, when I was young and married, I worked and bought the "groceries" and I also saved to buy funiture and fix up the inside of my home and "make a nice home". My mother always felt that it was "terrible" that "I" bought the food. My mother felt that it was a "man's job" to provide money for the "food". And in her life and how she was raised, that is what was expected of the man of the household. Every week my father was expected to give my mother grocery money were she went out and bought food for the family. And for the food money to be "her responsibilty" was simply "out of the question".

Well, in my parent's generation, there were things that were considered the woman's job and things that were considered the "man's" responsibilty. Now things are different in couples, both contribute. However, that doesn't "change" my constant "subconscious" messages. So if I "do" buy groceries, I feel that I am somehow, wrong or that my husband is not doing his "designated job". Even though I know that it is ok for me to buy the groceries, I still subconsicously will feel something is "wrong". I am just not "consciously" aware of that phenomenom though. Emotionally, without my truely realizing it, I may feel "guilty" about buying groceries. So, the activity of "buying groceries" will leave me feeling at odds with myself and it may become an "unpleasent" experience without my truely realizing why.

Now, here is something else I noticed. If my husband cleans up the kitchen and loads or unloads the dishwasher, if he does a load of laundry as well? Well, in his subconscious mind that is supposed to be "my job" somehow so he will make a "big deal" out of how "he" did those things and expect "me" to show "tons of appreciation" or even feel that I somehow failed to do "my job" in our domestic life. Emotionally, my husband will generate emotions of "he is doing me a big favor" and is "resentful or "angry" about it.

Now beauflow, in your S/O's subconscious mind, he is used to his father disrespecting the boundaries of others. On some level subconsciously, he has learned to "accept" that behavior. So when you discuss how you are upset by that, while he may consciously recognize your feelings, subconsciously it is acceptable behavior on some level. So he has the abilty to "get over that behavior emotionally" while you continue to struggle. Your subconscious has some of your mothers "expecting to be taken care of and seen as important" as well as your father's "you should be happy and productive". So your subconscious sends you different messages than your SO's does hense different "emotional" responses. And ofcourse if we add in the fact that women are "more emotional" then men, it creates even "more" friction and sense of "violation" and disrespect.

Something to think about.
Open Eyes