Fuzzy,
She hugs me physically. It was really weird in the session. She and I have been hugging for years now because I know her from work. She is one of the few people that I do give hugs to willingly. But at the end of the session, when we would normally have hugged on saying goodbye, she stopped and said "I am not giving you a hug right now because I want to make sure that you feel safe." I thought about it for a moment and told her that I really could use a hug and wanted a hug. So we hugged. It was so strange for me to have someone to verbally state their concern about my physical safety. It was neat.

Candybear,
I wish I could have come to the conclusion as quickly as you did. It has been about a year that I have have been wondering whether or not to quit...

I think I am going to rephrase this. I think I have done a good job because leaving my Therapist meant learning how to detach from someone who was my lifeline, to whom I was extremely attached. Letting go of him meant letting go of a person that I have thought about 3 or 4 times every day. He was the person I have trusted to talk about things that I had never talked to anyone else before and he tried to keep me safe. His concern for me though limited was evident and that made it possible for me to grow and actually develop some sort of ego. To let him go by my own choice was a humongous accomplishment of which I am quite proud. I may say I wish I could have done so sooner but the fact is the last year has been spent learning how too in a relatively healthy manner. This is big for someone with BPD. I still threw a fit. I still could have done it better. But Dan salvaged it for me and helped me leave knowing that the door is always open and he will still be there if I need him. It is an odd thing but it feels good.
Carrie

<font color=green>But the implicit and usually unconscious bargain we make with ourselves is that, yes, we want to be healed, we want to be made whole, we're willing to go some distance, but we're not willing to question the fundamental assumptions upon which our way of life has been built, both personally and societally.--Bill Plotkin, Soulcraft