I can understand the sadness. It's hard to accept something so painful.

I'd imagine that the fact that therapy relationship is all about you, that unconditional love, support, attention...non-judgmental empathy and softness...as a whole, it is unrealistic in real life relationships. We can hope to get some of those needs met, but not without reciprocity.

I find this sentence a bit sad, Rainbow. Why isn't your husband's affection for you enough? Why is it "settling" to have a husband who will hold you?

That's exactly what I thought as well. The therapy relationship is the only relationship that can be all about you, your thoughts, your desires, and your needs. Since that is the kind of attention, support, and unconditional love that you crave-- the best way to go about getting that in RL is to offer it to someone else. If you build relationships with others where you pay attention to them, listen to them, love and accept them unconditionally-- then they will be more likely to offer you that in return. Of course, it's a reciprocal relationship-- but you know what? In a lot of ways, that's better! That's what I've built with my best friend; I give him the time that he needs to tell me whatever is on his mind and I love and support him unconditionally. Then, he offers the same back to me. And you know what? It feels GOOD to be able to offer that to someone else. It feels good to help others. It feels good to be able to be a "giver" and not just a "taker." And reciprocal relationships offer something that a T relationship never can-- the depth of relationship and intimacy that comes when BOTH people share and BOTh people are personally (not just profesionally) invested. And, in reciprocal relationships, the other person loves you as much as you love them. It seems that is what is causing you so much hurt with all of your Ts. You want to be a part of T's personal life and you want T to love you in the way that you feel you love her. But that isn't possible. Your T can care about you very much, but she can't feel towards you what you feel towards her and she will never be a part of your life in any non-professional capacity. But if you can learn to have close, intimate, caring, unconditional relationships with people in your RL, then you can get those kinds of emotional needs met. But, in order to attract that from someone else, you FIRST have to be the kind of person who is capable of giving that in return. Do you think it would help to work on your capacity to listen to others (and care about what they have to say), to be attentive to others, and to offer support to others? Often, when we focus so myopically on what we WANT from others (and how it's unfair we're not getting that! and how big our want is!) we forget about exercising our capacity to GIVE that TO others. At the beginning, it might make you feel like a martyr-- like, "I don't have this and here I am trying to give it to someone else!"-- but, after awhile, being able to GIVE that actually fills up the "hole" you have from not receiving it. And, by golly, when you start offering that to others-- people just seem to come out of the woodwork wanting to be around you and offering you the same. Honestly, the more generous I've been with the people in my RL, the more generous they have been with me as well.

Yeah, your husband doing these things isn't good at all. That relationship needs work and the hugging is a good start! Who else called you stupid and criticised you?