So this is kind of a spinoff from a thread in the abuse section, as well as the grief section, sorry...
So I'm here now after my appointment with t and really thinking over something he said. I don't remember the exact phrase, and have no clue if I'm spelling it right but he said I "compartmentalize" my mental stresses. I didn't think he was right at first, then I realized I didn't even know what that meant. My guess is he's referring to my blocking feelings?
My grandmother passed away Sunday, I have yet to cry and I was closer to her than any other woman in my life. And it wasn't a pretty passing, while there were good parts to her last few days, it wasn't pretty at all and I was there to see it. But I didn't cry. I went numb to it. Same thing happened 4 years ago when she had her strokes.
When my fiance and I argue, if it hits a certain point I go numb, I block out all negative feelings and start talking in a calm rational, yet emotionless voice.
The abuse I personally remember as a child, even that doesn't/didn't really cause emotional pain. When things get to be too much, more than I feel I can handle, I just put the feelings far away and often never allow myself to feel them. I've done this my whole life. And old t, after telling her about some of my past abuse, said by the way I talked about it, as if I didn't care, she assumed there was a "part" specifically for holding my strong feelings. But this new t is calling it "compartmentalizing". Is there a difference? T thinks the compartmentalizing is from the DID but I don't even know what that means.
Is it ok though to just keep going this way, or is it what doctors strive to do in the "healing process" to stop the "compartmentalizing" or w/e it is? I don't want to feel the pain and kind of would prefer to keep it away
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I'd lock my hands behind my head, I'd cover my heart and hit the deck, I'd brace myself for the impact if I were you.
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