If I understand your question correctly- I make a hierarchy of life what is needed, what I want for family, and what I want for myself. I try to keep everything at the bare minimum of things I can accomplish while depressed. As I feel good I can add to it. My to-do list is only "allowed" to have 5 things (thanks OCD rules) on it on top of bare minimum. If it's an overwhelming, anxiety, or angry day then I only expect the bare minimum. My friends know to call me the night before to check if plans are still on and to confirm they can come over, unless no one has seen me in like a month. We try to keep our home as quiet as possible. Each of us have noise canceling headphones to use when a group activities are to loud or we are doing individual activities. I also use the headphones w. music to color, to slow myself.