It strikes me that perhaps what is so addictive about the feelings you get from a T is the bonding. Do you feel like you want to be totally merged with her? So close that you and she are one of the same thing. If so... this is a stage newborns go thru and if you didn't bond with your own mother then that's why you crave it now. Newborns don't realise they are separate from the mother, they are emeshed to her, rely on her for everything; emotional regulation, food, protection, warmth etc it's not until they are a few months old that they begin to realise they are separate. Also i read that breast-feeding is a sensuous (not sexual) experience for an infant, they get great pleasure from it as it satisfies their need to be close to mother and also their need to be fed is met. Do you know if your mom had problems breast-feeding when u were born or trouble bonding? Because it seems to me that this intense need to be physically close, and have unconditional love from your T might be down to attachment issues.