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Originally Posted by sittingatwatersedge
(((((((((((((((((((((( rainbow )))))))))))))))))))))))
no, dear, it's just a process. you will be OK.  |
Thanks for all the hugs! It's a process but I have to do something to change the way I feel about my T but I don't know how. I'm stuck.
Quote:
Originally Posted by adel34
Hi Rainbow,
I'm so sorry you had a hard session and that your t was even talking about therapy not working anymore. That must have been so painful! Maybe working on the other issues will help. And I'm so glad you and your husband are hugging now!
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Thanks, Adel. It's not that therapy isn't working; it's that everything I liked so much in therapy didn't help me as much as I thought it would. I will try to work on something else next session.
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Originally Posted by Asiablue
It strikes me that perhaps what is so addictive about the feelings you get from a T is the bonding. Do you feel like you want to be totally merged with her? So close that you and she are one of the same thing. If so... this is a stage newborns go thru and if you didn't bond with your own mother then that's why you crave it now. Newborns don't realise they are separate from the mother, they are emeshed to her, rely on her for everything; emotional regulation, food, protection, warmth etc it's not until they are a few months old that they begin to realise they are separate. Also i read that breast-feeding is a sensuous (not sexual) experience for an infant, they get great pleasure from it as it satisfies their need to be close to mother and also their need to be fed is met. Do you know if your mom had problems breast-feeding when u were born or trouble bonding? Because it seems to me that this intense need to be physically close, and have unconditional love from your T might be down to attachment issues.
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Thanks, Asiablue. My intellectual side won't let me admit to wanting to merge with my T, but it sounds like something I might want. I've been told I didn't separate from my Mom, and maybe I didn't bond with her either. I think they say that about people with BPD. I was a preemie but my Mom told me that she could not breast-feed me. She said that I got another mother's milk. I assume in a bottle! My T has told me that I have attachment issues. The problem is that they haven't gotten better even though I have been in different kinds of therapy. Radical acceptance that it's not going to get a whole lot better may be the only way to go now. DBT will help, I hope, but I still may have my "t-cravings" forever. Not to make light of it, but maybe it's like "chocolate cravings." It's always going to be there so I have to accept it and control it the best I can. My problem is that being with my T and knowing that's how it is, HURTS.