Last night I watched a Prime Time special called, Lost Children Behind Bars. It was about teenagers in the legal system, and a bit of how they got there and what happened to them after their release. It touched me personally because I was detained for four years myself, right when I turned 14, till right before I turned 18. It was on and off, and I went from facility, to detention center, to institutions. I've been to all of them.

The show mentioned how the majority of teen girls that are locked up grew up in single mother homes with no father figure. They also had a very unhealthy and destructive relationship with their mothers.....exactly like me.

It just so happened earlier that day, I was at my moms house doing laundry, and while I was waiting for the dryer to finish I was laying on the couch and had both my babies laying on me. My mom looked at us, and I asked her if my sister and I were ever as attached to her......this is what she said.

"I resented you guys, I was always angry because I had to do it all alone. When I got my 4 wisdom teeth removed nobody would take you guys so I could rest. When the heat in the house got turned off, nobody would let us stay with them...so we had to stay in a homeless shelter. I never kissed you guys because deep down I despised you".

I was hurt when she said this, but then I understood why, when I turned 13-14, I was so angry and out of control. It all began after my mom abandoned us.

My mom took 50 grand, left us with our dad, and did not talk to us for 6 months. When she finally called she was staying in the hotel and did not have a dime to her name.

The destructiveness, the hurt, me feeling unloved and unwanted was all true. That's where my anger and desperation for love stemmed.