Rainbow, have you ever seen a Therapist who deals specifically with adult attachment problems? I think you need someone specifically trained in this area.

It makes sense that being a Preemie and then obv not have the nurturing closeness of being breast-fed would absolutely have an impact.

I think the jealousy you get about your T and the rage you feel when she won't tell you things about her personal life are all feelings infant get when they start to differentiate from their mother. THey begin to see their Mother as separate and the get rage if their needs are not met efficiently and they get feeling of jealousy if they sense the mothers attention is else where. It threatens their very existence and their survival. It sounds like that's what you are experiencing?