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Originally Posted by autotelica
I spend 3% of the time talking about my feelings. If that much. Partly because I don't know what I'm feeling
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I think learning to know what one is feeling can be a huge thing to learn in therapy. Really important and really therapeutic too. Is this something you hope to learn in therapy (rather than going over specific content)? Soon? If you learned how to know your feelings, that could help in a lot of other areas. It is hard, but worth it!
Quote:
Originally Posted by autotelica
I *think* I'm coping with negative emotions in a non-maladaptive way.
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The way that is worded makes it sound like a
negative accomplishment. Do you know what I mean? Is that the sort of phraseology your T uses?
Quote:
Originally Posted by autotelica
my therapist has such a strong personality compared to mine
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It worries me that she isn't able to dial it back enough for you. What you've said about how she talks 80% of the time leads me to believe that. Yesterday in my session I thanked my very extroverted and talkative T for giving me so much time and silence at the beginning of our session to figure out what I wanted to talk about. He told me this is a psychotherapy concept called "spaciousness." He was creating spaciousness in the room that allowed me to talk about what I needed to talk about and what was most important. I am more introverted than he is, so if he didn't do that, and just filled the space and our time with his big personality, I would end up talking little. To me, it sounds like your T doesn't do this, perhaps because she doesn't know how or perhaps because she doesn't think it would be valuable?
Quote:
Originally Posted by autotelica
"And of course, everyone's entitled to feel sorry for themselves once and awhile." And she smiled and made me feel a little better about being sad.
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That would feel really invalidating to me. Being sad is not the same as feeling sorry for oneself. I didn't read anything in your description that made me think you were feeling sorry for yourself. Not a great response from a T!
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Originally Posted by autotelica
But I like that she's so no-nonsense and hard-azz sometimes. It resonates with how I was raised...to be strong in the face of adversity and not be a crybaby.
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It might be interesting to see how you would do with a therapist who does not replicate the patterns from your childhood.
Quote:
Originally Posted by autotelica
Part of me thinks that if I can't share my problems with my therapist, something is wrong.
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I do think that your relationship with your T could be more therapeutic.
Quote:
Originally Posted by autotelica
She's great at problem-solving.
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Hmmm, that is not what I usually think is a function of a therapist.
The yoga topic sounds like an interesting one to explore further with your T.
Quote:
Originally Posted by autotelica
This will sound strange. But we don't have a "talk about everything" type of relationship. She talks, I listen. I ask questions, she answers them. 80% of the questions that are asked in session are coming from me. I can't imagine me sharing something like this with her. It would be so uncharacteristic of me.
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Do you want to have a "talk about everything" relationship with your T? What would you have to do to make that happen? Tell your T you want that? Start talking more? Talk about the relationship some? Therapy can be a safe place to try out new ways of behaving and being, so if something is "uncharacteristic" for you, therapy could be a great first place to try it out. Maybe your T could support you in that?
