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Originally Posted by sunrise
I think learning to know what one is feeling can be a huge thing to learn in therapy. Really important and really therapeutic too. Is this something you hope to learn in therapy (rather than going over specific content)? Soon? If you learned how to know your feelings, that could help in a lot of other areas. It is hard, but worth it!
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I know it should be a primary goal, but it's kind of taken a back seat to just making a friend. I'm trying to work within my alexithymia, rather than beating my head against the wall and trying to *fix* it, if that makes any sense. Because it's not considered something that I can fix, but rather something that's innate to my character.
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The way that is worded makes it sound like a negative accomplishment. Do you know what I mean? Is that the sort of phraseology your T uses?
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No, it's my phraseology. I don't think it's that negative, but I guess I can see how coping with negative emotions in a non-maladaptive way is not really that big of a deal. I guess my thinking is that I should accept that I will continue to have negative emotions--it is not realistic to expect my therapist to cure what I consider "natural" reactions. If I fall down and pee my pants, of course I'm going to feel dreadful embarrassment and some self-loathing to boot. Not all the "oh, poor you" in the world is going to make that go away. So why talk about it? I guess that's where I am.
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It worries me that she isn't able to dial it back enough for you. What you've said about how she talks 80% of the time leads me to believe that. Yesterday in my session I thanked my very extroverted and talkative T for giving me so much time and silence at the beginning of our session to figure out what I wanted to talk about. He told me this is a psychotherapy concept called "spaciousness." He was creating spaciousness in the room that allowed me to talk about what I needed to talk about and what was most important. I am more introverted than he is, so if he didn't do that, and just filled the space and our time with his big personality, I would end up talking little. To me, it sounds like your T doesn't do this, perhaps because she doesn't know how or perhaps because she doesn't think it would be valuable?
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I think she doesn't dial it back because I've never responded in a negative way to her approach. I like that she's so "big" and I'm so "small". It relieves me of so much pressure. I don't have to think about what I'm going to say. She gets to see me in my most comfortable, natural way.
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That would feel really invalidating to me. Being sad is not the same as feeling sorry for oneself. I didn't read anything in your description that made me think you were feeling sorry for yourself. Not a great response from a T!
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I know. She could have said that in a little more elegant way! But I was kind of feeling sorry for myself, right? "Poor me! I can't do the easiest pose in yoga class! Wah!" I don't think there's anything WRONG with feeling sorry for one's self, to be honest. So I didn't take it as an invalidating thing to say, but I can definitely see how it would sound that way.
No, I don't want a "talk about everything" relationship. Personally, I don't think everything is worth talking about, even if it is psychological. I like that our therapy is practical and centered on thoughts and actions rather than feelings and experiences.
But you are right that therapy is where you stretch your personality. My personality is a bit stilted and undeveloped, and I haven't really used therapy to change this. I've gained so much insight and understanding about myself, though.