Ok...so I told T via email Monday I wanted to cut back from 2 times to 1 time a week as I had convinced myself therapy was adding to my insanity. Tuesday we had my first appointment of the week, it was intense..lots of emotion...I learned more about how I neglect me and he pointed out and I acknowledged, that I live my life as a reaction to feeling like a burden. In session on Tuesday he tried to convince me that once again I was just short changing myself again by going 1 x a week. He said it's frustrating from a birds eye view that he can see but can't tell me everything for fear I cant handle it. Referring to the burden observation he spat out earlier. Now, typically he and I email several times a week. A post therapy email from me is not uncommon.

After some reflection I emailed him and said he was correct. The real reason I want to cut to 1 time a week is the burden thing, feeling like I am undeserving of 2x's, I have guilt about spending the money on myself etc. I did add a side of spite with, "What else do you see from your birds eye view that I don't?". He never responded. So here I am on today, its been 2 days since my session, typically one tomorrow... but not now. I am extremely anxious and these have been the longest 2 days of my life. I'm not sure if it's thinking that I messed up and he is angry or feeling like a wimp if I don't give myself the opportunity to try and be ok with 1 time a week. So do I sit with it ( as I am hard headed and I don't want him to win or me to appear so needy) or do I break down and call and schedule a second appointment for next week? His silence is killing me and he knows it... its just pissing me off more.